im six kinds of drunk right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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