i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize