So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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