I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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