he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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