So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You're like the curious george of whores
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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