I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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