a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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