I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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