Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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