omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize