I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize