It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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