at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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