sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize