is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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