currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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