All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
