i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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