she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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