Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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