just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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