I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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