You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize