Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
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Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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