Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
