I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize