Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize