i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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