My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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