Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize