It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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