i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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