you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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