He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize