; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
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