Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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