fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize