Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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