im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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