He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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