Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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