well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
