just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
