I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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