I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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