you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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