but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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