And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize