We won't sleep together?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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