You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this is an emotional support booty call
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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