Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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