btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize