im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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