My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize